9:30 am: Second sign of life. Twenty or so text messages after the original one, I decide it is no use trying to sleep and drug myself out of bed. Breakfast? Absolutely not. I need to save room for the feast we'll be consuming later.
11:00 am: I stand over Zack's head and pry his eyelids open and beg him to help me wash the dishes. Being the gracious and kind man that he is, he stumbles out of bed in between groans and plunges his hands into a sink full of suds, effectively beginning our day of work in the kitchen. I leave him to do the dishes and begin chopping various nuts and vegetables.
12:15 pm: Zack and I are both elbow-deep in flour, working on making our own homemade bread. I instruct him to mimic me exactly, so that both of the batches of bread would turn out well. (More on this as it develops.)
12:30 pm: Katie and Jessica arrive at the door, breathless and excited, shouting "Happy Thanksgiving!" with their arms full of pots, snacks, and ingredients. Until now, it didn't really feel like Thanksgiving. Now all is right with the world.
1:00 pm: I break down and eat one of the cinnamon rolls I had prepared the night before. I almost fall out of my chair upon realizing how delicious it is, and think that maybe there is hope for me as a cook after all.
1:30 pm: Jessica announces that she is going to make the mashed potatoes, even if she is "domestically challenged." I give her two potato peelers to choose from, and she goes to work peeling.
1:37 pm: Jessica proclaims that the potato peeler is "handist" and she wants one made for left-handed people. Zack shows her that even if he uses his left hand, he can peel a potato faster than her.
1:45 pm: My turn to send a text message. I text one of our sisters and ask her if she is coming to our Thanksgiving dinner or not.
1:46 pm: Our sister answers that she is in the hospital having her "gut checked" (whatever that means) and that she will come later.
1:50 pm: Katie reveals that the sweet potatoes she bought earlier that day are not, in fact, sweet potatoes.
1:52 pm: We all beg Zack to go out on a quest to find sweet potatoes, apple cider vinegar, and a makeshift turkey.
2:10 pm: Zack, the valiant hero, leaves on his quest, armed with only a scribble of Chinese writing and his bravery.
2:00 - 3:30 pm: Chopping, mixing, baking, sautéing, and tasting
3:30 pm: It becomes quite clear that the bread is not going to be a success. Something about the combination of me and yeast is volatile, and never turns out well. We end up having very tiny, dense rolls.
3:45 pm: Zack the Bold returns with sweet potatoes, something that isn't apple cider vinegar, and six roasted chickens.
4:00 pm: I sit down in front of the chickens and begin to tear the flesh from their bones, thoroughly disgusted, but determined to finish so that we can all pretend that the meat came from a turkey and not six chickens.
4:30 pm: Our sister shows up. I still can't figure out what she was doing at the hospital, but apparently whatever it was, it hasn't ruined her appetite.
5:00 pm: We are finished cooking!!! At long last, we all sit down to our sumptuous feast, feeling as though we haven't eaten in months and today our blind eyes have been opened to the world of food. We all begin by taking turns saying what we are thankful for.
5:07 pm: We give up on saying what we are thankful for because tears are getting in the way, and we finally begin to reap the rewards of our day of hard work.
5:45 pm: Possibly more full than any group of humans has ever been, we collapse on the couch, unable to move, talk, or even think. We discover that you needn't consume turkey on Thanksgiving to end up exhausted after the meal.
5:50 pm: We argue about whether or not we should eat pie now or later. Even though we are all full, some of us argue to eat it right away while others are too tired to even argue, let alone eat more.
6:30 pm: Pie. Never has one single word seemed so succulent.
7:30 pm: Zack announces that these leftovers aren't just going to clear themselves, nor are the dishes going to wash themselves. Begrudgingly, we all take the hint and begin cleaning up.
8:00 pm: Having decided that cleaning up isn't very much fun, our Chinese friends make their exit.
8:30 - 10:00 pm: Block of time that none of us have any memory of. Apparently we were all in some sort of food-induced coma.
10:00 pm: We begin playing spades, in spite of the fact that Zack hates card games and I have never played spades before.
11:20 pm: Someone wins spades. I won't say who, but it wasn't not me.
11:30 pm: We collapse into bed, looking forward to tomorrow, because everyone knows what the day after Thanksgiving means. Leftovers.
